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OK, that hurt...but was it only supposed to hurt ?
OK, that hurt...but was it only supposed to hurt ? / Sex & Intimacy / 8:34 AM - Saturday October 09, 2004
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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, Seattle, 18-21, Student) asked:


Do you break-up with a guy to teach him a lesson, leaving open the possibility for getting back together; or when you break-up with a man is it because you finally have given up on his bullshit and he went too far and that's it?

How is a man to know the difference between a serious break-up and a teaching him a lesson sort of break-up?

I'm so sensitive that any break-up occurance hurts so much I run for cover and I want to know when I shouldn't fade away so fast.

Thanks for the help.


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A Player (Female, Chicago, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: smilesalot


If I were you I wouldn't take anyone back that broke up with me. My rule is if you break up with me then that is it. I don't turn back. "Teaching a lesson" is ridiculous and very immature in my eyes. If that person was stupid enough to break up with me then they were stupid enough to lose me. End of story. Start dating someone else.

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A Career Woman (Female, Boston, 29-35, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: cwgirl


I don't break up with someone unless I mean it. It's permanent -- if I get to that point, it is because it is absolutely over for me, and there is no chance at all in my mind for getting back together. I don't do breakups to "teach him a lesson," and frankly that idea does not even make sense to me. If I want to be with someone and work things out, then I try to work things out. If I can't do it anymore, then I walk away.

So in my mind, if someone breaks up with you, you shouldn't try to figure out what kind of break up it is -- assume it is permanent. Anyone who would break up with you to teach you a lesson doesn't know how to work at a relationship, and isn't worth your time. That's a strangely passive-agressive, yet aggressively vengeful way of handling problems, and I would not stick around for that kind of person.

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An Alternative Girl (Female, 36-45) answered:


A girl is serious about breaking up with you unless she comes running back that same day or at least by the next day.



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A Thinker (Female, 56-65) answered:


Well all... the truth be told people, both men and women do this! Break up to make up. To answer Mr. Nice question there's no way to know. Unless there are frequent break-ups/make-ups. Either way effective communication is required to break the code.

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A Hippie Chick (Female, Atlanta, 18-21, Fitness) answered:

Screenname: burnin12


I don't think that my answer should be taken as a rule, because I know many females that do not think this way, but when I 'break up' with someone, it is because 'it' is over...point blank...If I wanted to punish him, I would withhold sex or something, breaking up is something you do that cannot really be turned around. If you willingly break up with someone, there was a reason for doing it right?? Well, if you get back together, the reason is still there regardless

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A Hippie Chick (Female, St.Louis, 29-35, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: marhaba


I break up with guys because I want them to go away, not because I’m a high-and-mighty bitch who wants to “teach them a lesson.” Should you find yourself with a woman who thinks otherwise, I suggest that *you* teach *her* a lesson and cut those strings for good. Otherwise you’re just going to be played with indefinitely.

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A Trendsetter (Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental) answered:


The answer is in her words. Does she change her mind a lot? Or is she the type of person who sticks to her guns and sticks with what she says?
Some people intend on it being forever, but the strength of the emotions is too great to stay away.
Talk to her and ask her if she is for real or if there is anything you both can do to work on things. Ask her what she truly wants... OR wait a few days or week and then try again. she will tell you what she wants. The only way to truly know is to ask, and to talk about things.

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