A Guy Critical (Male, Tokyo, 29-35, Teaching) answered:

I think this may be a symptom of someone who may not be very giving in general. Giving men take the time to be romantic, even if it is only on rare occasions. So, his lack of romance and general stinginess is a sign that he isn't very generous. It's impossible to force someone to be generous. So, you need to ask yourself whether you can deal with his actions in the longrun.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, Seattle, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer) answered:

It is thoughtless. Regardless of how stingy he may be, the guy should come up with a gift AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME. And there's no reason he can't spring for flowers two or three times a year. I get the feeling, though, that this will never change, so if he's the one you want, yu may want to get used to it.

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A Guy Critical (Male, Dallas, 36-45, Financial / Banking) answered:

Hey there LA gal,

I'm feeling your pain.

I'm still waiting on Valentines Day, and a March Birthday - and still nothing!

I'm not sure it's just pure thoughtlessness, or if it's actually sheer laziness. Either way, it does show a lack of regard to do what is necessary to take care of your partner.

If it happens at this level, it'll happen in other ways at some other level.

I realize you aren't materialistic, but it's not the lack of material gain that's bothering you, it's the lack of attentiveness.

And by the way, you can decide to let it go - but, don't count on him getting any better at this in the future. While it is difficult to teach an OLD dogs NEW tricks, it's impossible to teach a LAZY dog, ANYTHING! :-)

Good Q!


PS: g/f and I just broke it off this past week, so I gonna be waiting for a real long time for Valentines and my March Birthday now, huh? ;-)

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A Career Man (Male, New York, 29-35) answered:

Bring it up tactfully. That stuff builds problems if unresolved.

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A Life of the Party (Male, Dallas, 36-45, Executive) answered:

I would ask him what happened on the -----......I mean if he told you it was coming, you have every right....tell him how much you can't wait for it, etc.

Guys like this are difficult to change, so if you really want an attentive person, you should consider moving on!

Good luck and have a great week!

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At first glance, sure, you're worried about a "material" gift that you didn't receive... materialistic? Maybe... but it WAS promised to you! It's normal to look forward to things when someone gets your hopes up about it! But I know from experience that guys that will say they got you something and then never "bring it 'round".... well, they're not worth it. My ex (YAY!) used to pull a similar trick... "You're going to LOVE your gift, hon! It's really awesome!" or whatever... and then I'd go to a store with him and eye up something I'd never seen before and say "Hey, that's neat," and on "the day" (at least he got it to me on time), the never-seen-before thing would be all wrapped up and ready for me to open. It was totally misleading! I knew he was bluffing after that. One time he said he got me something really great... and then took me to Target and bought me an alarm clock! A really crappy one, too. It broke after 2 weeks! :P

In a way, he was just trying to make me smile about something, y'know, get me looking forward to a good occasion. But on the other hand... HE WAS LYING. Don't let a guy bullshit you. Tell him you expect only what he says he'll give, and nothing less. If he has a good reason to back out of something, be understanding. But make sure he THINKS you'll be pissed! ... or just leave him, he's going to cause a lot more problems down the line, anyway. Liars will stay liars.

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hi there, ive been in the same kinda situation with my current bf, i love flowers he knows i do, i mention it now n then but i have only received flowers twice in the 3yrs weve been together!!! however thats an improvement seeing as when we first met he said whats the point in flowers they jsut die!! hw rude! his a real lovely guy he is sweet but not romantic!! its our 3 year dating anniversary tomorrow, were in our early twenties i asked what he has planned he said his too busy at work to think about it why dont i plan it, god how rude! how unromantic! think were jus goin for a meal, which i probably end up ahving to pay my half! i no longer get treats anymore it would b nice once in ahwile u know without having to pay nexttime! it really anoys me how unromantic he is and that he has never planned anything special, no romantic weekends away or day trips or anything!!! no candles, roses -zilch!! it is always me having the ideas, me dressing up for him, me buying him romantic gifts, when will he ever get the msg?!! never probably! i mean im still with my guy bit its coz i love him and itll sound too shallow and selfish if i leave him for that but i do keep on hoping that one day he will be romantic and surprise me!! he has improved since weve 1st got togheter but in 3yrs im stilll waiting for the romance, so if ur like me then you maybe waiting a long while!!! but who knows he may change and it mayb worth waiting for, my friend keeps telling me to talk about my friends n how they get really sweet surprises etc and make him jealous and maybe hell get the hint :S

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A Thinker (Female, 22-25) answered:

Wow. That must really suck. I think the best thing to do is tell him that you are disapointed he didn't make the effort to mark a special occasion. Don't tip-toe around issues with men, he won't read into your complaint that you are materialistic, he will simply explain why he hasn't given you a present. More than likely he will apologise and get on to that pressie!!

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