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I am friends with a married man. We've ...
I am friends with a married man. We've ... / 9:27 PM - Tuesday December 23, 2003
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A Player (Female, Chicago, 29-35, Teaching) asked:


I am friends with a married man. We've had lunch once, coffee once, and we talk on the phone sometimes. There has NEVER been a hint of impropriety. My problem is that he sent me a VERY expensive gift for Christmas. I told him I don't think it's appropriate, but he told me that every girl should get a very special gift from someone at Christmas. He's fairly well off, so the gift isn't expensive at all to HIM, just to me. I absolutely love the gift, but want to hear what other people think. Thanks.


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A Player (Male, Boston, 46-55, Executive) answered:

Screenname: adalefin


If you are truly just friends than I would accept the gift in the spirit that it was given. Your friendship is obviously important to him and it's his way of saying that. Merry Christmas!

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male) answered:

Screenname: spidee


Here's the ten million dollar question: does his wife know he bought you this gift? Ask. If he says no and doesn't see why she should, the gift is inappropriate and you should either return or if you decide to keep it, take it and run and don't look back.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, Indianapolis, 22-25, Retail) answered:

Screenname: master85


Giving you a gift for christmas isn't innappropriate. Giving you a pricy gift isn't wrong (since it's not expensive to him anyway). You weren't wrong to tell him it is not appropriate. Where I think he stepped over the line is he said that "every girl should get a special gift." I would leave the special gifts to your dad, boyfriend, s/o, not a friend or co-worker. If he were your boyfriend, I would say you're over reacting (perhaps), but he's just a married friend. I say he crossed a line.

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A Thinker (Female, Vancouver, 36-45, Technical) answered:

Screenname: bbdboo


It happenned to me way back a year ago same thing, same scenario. He likes you obviously he wouldnt care to give you a very expensive gift if he doesnt have feelings towards you it doesnt matter if he is well off. Its a sign that you mean a lot to him in a way that he can't really tell you because he is a married man.

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A Rebel (Male, Washington, DC, 29-35, Transportation) answered:

Screenname: lonesometrucker


Be happy that you've got a friend that caring. Just because he's married doesn't mean that he's not allowed to care deeply for other people. Accept the gift as a show of astounding friendship, afterall they say it's the thought that counts.

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A Jock (Male, Atlanta, 18-21, Student) answered:

Screenname: rugbysurfer


The key is that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and if it does, it does, no one can tell you differently. But if he can afford it, and it is purely in friendship then I do not feel it is under the table so to speak. Maybe he just wants to be a friend. If it makes you feel better, never use it or look at it. But it sounds like you have a good, nice friend and you would not want a christmas gift to jeopardize it.

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A Mr. Married Guy (Male, London, 22-25, Student) answered:

Screenname: oceans11


it depends on what this guy i like, the only person who really knows him is you...for some guys having women as friends is nothing more than that. However to play devils advocate just once, some may say that he is after somethin.. now if that were the case how would you feel about it? if you both felt the same what would you do...

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A Father Figure (Male, Phoenix, 46-55, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: desrtrat57


I think if he's fairly well off, don't sweat it. If it isn't a sacrifice to him, no harm done. Bill Gates buying you a Lexus is like me buying you a pack of Juicy Fruit.

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A Mr. Married Guy (Male, Boston, 29-35, Science / Engineering) answered:


could be a little strange but as long as it has never went further I would not be too bothered, would keep an eye out for the future though !

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A Mr. Married Guy (Male, Cincinnati, 36-45, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: beatsme


be careful he is trying to find a way in your marriage by the troubles in it that you and him talk about,because he thinks he could write the wrongs , but would be the same way in a few years .give the gift back unless you will want to be on the road of an affair

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