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My husband has been good to me but because of a past experience, I've been unable to trust. Help!
Married Life / 4:48 PM - Monday November 02, 2009

My husband has been good to me but because of a past experience, I've been unable to trust. Help!

Two failed marriages with cheating husbands, I drive myself crazy looking for when he'll cheat.

- Asked by jolegal, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Administrative

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Third TtIME luCKY Doug J

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Why did you marry someone when you can't trust him? That's kind of insane.

You need therapy to help you work through your past issues.

This has absolutely nothing to do with him. You don't trust YOURSELF to choose a good man.

- Response by myndseye711, An Engaged Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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You're going to drive a wedge between the two of you. If he feels you don't trust him and are always looking for signs that he is cheating - you will drive him away.

Not all men cheat. You've had two bad experiences. You need to work through your issues about this - this is not his problem.

- Response by justme85206, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Phoenix, Other Profession

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Time for counseling..nothing we can say can help...but a good counselor can teach you to deal with trust issues and your own
self worth!

- Response by lady4u, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Cincinnati, Managerial

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Get some counseling. That fear could be making you behave in a clingy, suspicious way and this can drive him away. My husband is very clingy and not in a lovey-dovey way either, it's more of a dig-his-claws-in-me so I won't leave. His fear of abandonment makes him insecure, critical, and snappish... the sorts of things that would make me want to leave or cheat. I don't do either but it certainly pushes me away. But you need to deal with this fear in counseling.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I think the two prior response are very accurate.

I felt the bane of mistrust and it is wareing

I have a friend who stayed in a marrage for 24 years

and his wife just never trusted him no matter what he did.

So really it was her issue. And it is certainly some thing that

can be delt with threw the assistance of good counsel.

I wish you well

- Response by morningdust, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, New York, Self-Employed

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try to be optimistic dear

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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You need to seek counseling, then.

Please do so before you ruin your marriage.

- Response by piscesrising, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Boston, Celebrity

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Well, you've had a taste of it...twice! It's very hard to get over being deceived. You want to trust, but always end up looking over your shoulder. Hopefully your husband understands the lengths to which your trust has been damaged by others and is able to talk with you about your concerns.

- Response by majorca, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45

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You are a great teacher because experience is the best teacher.

- Response by jaffy, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Chicago, Who Cares?

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i know how it feels to be betrayed by someone closest to you. but you should never let your past affect your future. if your husband right now is good to you and giving you everything you can ever ask for, do the same for him. just think of it as third time's a charm. bottom line is if you made the decission to marrie this man than you have to give it all you got to focus to love him and make him happy as he make you, so don't ever let your past jerk husbands affect what could have been a perfect marriage for you this time.

- Response by liyean, A Married Girl, Female, 22-25, Toronto, Home Maker

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The biggest fear for me is the unknown. I find it best just to accept things and live as they come. Becareful not to get to worked up of what he may or may not do. It can have a unwelcomed effect on the relationship.
Be grateful and believe in him and love him. Give him happiness.

- Response by rubee, A Sportif, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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It's understandable that your past hurt would impact your present, but you need to let it go. This is a new day and a new man. It may be helpful for you to go through counseling in order to work out these old issues before they destroy your marriage.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I had the same problem and continued to go from one 'bad' relationship to another because I didn't try to work through my trust issues and continued to 'fail' at my relationships...maybe you need to do some work on your trust and trust that you are doing your best and when/if your spouse 'chooses' to cheat, it has nothing to do with you because the more that you don't trust your spouse, the harder it will be for you to trust anyone...you have to trust yourself and your choices first before you can learn to trust others, believe me, I know because I went through the same thing for nearly 6 years and it's hard when you can't trust anyone...:D

- Response by fastball, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Student

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why drive yourself crazy over things you have little or no control over

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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most have suggested counseling. the trust has to come from you and the relationship you have with your present husband. maybe he is the one with the problem of trust. maybe he has been through the same thing with other women that you have been with the husbands you have had. he may think that you might cheat just as easily as he would.

- Response by divadancer2, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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