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What makes women believe they have the "right" to choose their S/O's friends?
Dating / 2:56 PM - Monday November 02, 2009

What makes women believe they have the "right" to choose their S/O's friends?

Especially if that friend is also female. It's almost like they feel as if they are moving into HIS life and can now get rid of everything they don't like about it, including the friends he has known for years. What in the world would give a woman (Hell ANY person for that matter) the audacity to feel they had the "right" to do that?!

I mean the level of pure arrogants a person would have to have to even think about that is staggering to me.

Yet many women here feel this is completely okay.

WTF?!

- Asked by 1man4commonsense, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I don't know why they do this, and it irks me too! I've had so many male (completely platonic!) friends disappear when they were in relationships.

If I don't like someone my husband (or previous boyfriends at the time) is friends with, then I'd just tell him why I don't like that person and ask not to be invited along to whatever event they're doing. He's more than welcome to go on his own, and I can find something fun for myself to do in that time.

No biggie.

- Response by ddegon, A Married Girl, Female, 26-28, Washington, DC

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I dont think a married man has any business hanging out with a female woman.

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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Hell no I do not think that is ok. That is controlling, manipulative behavior!! Anyone ever told me who I could and could not be friends with would find themselves evicted from my life.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Cleveland, Student

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I think their mother's taught them that.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Boston, Science / Engineering

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It's not arrogance, it's insecurity.

- Response by istillhatescreennames, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older

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psst! ((there's even some guys who are like this too towards a gf))

- Response by ocelotspot, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Columbus, Who Cares?

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It's never ok to tell someone who they can be friends with. they sound like a controlling pwerson and they need to be stopped now.

- Response by pepperman46, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55

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Men do this also.People have a need to try to change others and pick thier friends.I run from these people.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Well I had a male friend before my hubby came into the picture...he said he didn't feel right about it so I dumped my friend and kept my man...nothing wrong with that...besides...we are each others best friend and we are all we need

- Response by dolphace, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Home Maker

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I believe you mean arrogance*.

Anyway, not all women are like that. Perhaps the majority is, but not all. If he wants to have female friends then he must find a girlfriend that is okay with it, it's as simple as that.

I'm the type that is okay with whatever.
I never told my boyfriend he couldn't have friends. But once he fell in love with me, that was the end. He simply forgot them. They weren't important anymore. The only friends we have are mutual friends and most of them are male. I never really thought of it before but it was almost like following an unspoken rule. Once he fell in love, he dropped the other girls like they'd never existed. Once I said yes to him, I forgot about my friends too. It is like we are in our own little universe. I dont miss the other boys. It's been 3 years. I never missed them and I never will.

- Response by kagurahime, An Engaged Girl, Female, 22-25, Student

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Insecurity is what drives these women to behave like this. The level of insecurity will rapidly increase if this female "friend" happens to be attractive.

Trust me when I say guys act the same way. They'll say things like; "I don't want you hanging out with that GUY -he's trouble..."...but you know he just doesn't trust any other guys sniffing around his "gold".

I think the vast majority of PEOPLE don't believe men & women can be "just friends" -otherwise we wouldn't have so many insecure people running around.

- Response by jillopo, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Fashion

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I'm not against my SO having friends of the opposite sex, especially old friends he's known for a long time. I do not like if he's making "new" female friends to hang out with because it just opens the door to temptation & uncontrollable feelings may arise. I don't mind new acquaintane females though that you encounter & acknowledge. It comes down to that old saying "It's not that I don't trust you, I don't trust the other person." That they have ulterior motives for pursuing this "friendship" & will try to bond with the SO through talking about problems in their lives so that you start caring. You're afraid the "friend" will manipulate the situation in such a way as to compromise the intimacy of the SO relationship. He feels the same about it when it comes to me & it works both ways.

It only takes a little common sense to know that you're not going to spend time with someone you're interested in as a person & you enjoy being around, whether a "friend" of the same sex or the opposite. I'm not insecure, but it's more about respecting the bond of our relationship. I don't feel I have the "right" to pick his friends, but I would feel disrespected if he were to go confide in any new females I don't know when he has real friends already.

- Response by melmac, A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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If there has never been a spark between the guy and his female friend, I can't imagine someone doing that, but if they ever dated or, worse, had sex, then I can see her not wanting him to hang out with her unless she was involved. Its just considerate on the guys part to not hang out with former lovers. Other than that, though, I think it isn't right.

Have a good one!

- Response by kanaka, A Life of the Party, Male, 46-55, Dallas, Executive

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I dont care who his friends are as long as they dont put him into crazy situations, try to pressure him into cheating. In the end its he who has to make the right decision. Plus if they were really bad i would make a suggestion but thats it.

- Response by thicallover, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, New York, Administrative

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Most women have a jealousy streak of some kind. When it comes to female friends especially the one's we try to get rid of are the one's we have a feeling are going to try to break up the relationship for their personal gain. You know the whole guys/girls friendship only one person likes the other a little more. I personally don't care as long as she's not doing shit to piss me off. For instance the last relationship I was in, I found out she liked him as more than a friend and while he had no interest in her that didn't stop her from hanging all over him and having her cousin send me pictures. As for friends period of my s/o if they're cool I don't mind being around them SOMETIMES however if they are idiots Id rather not be around them period so that's why guys nights out/girls nights out are mandatory.

- Response by staceym2112, A Cool Mom, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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some of these girls need a pet not a s/o

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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She feeling insecure and has a huge dominent controlling streak .. MMMM not good for the relationship . She properbly jealous of the attention he pays to the friends more than herself. Cant see the relationship lasting longterm .. she better get a grip now before it hits the skids real soon.

- Response by berri, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Medical / Dental

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Firstly, this is not something that's limited to women, but women are more upfront about it. I don't think it's ok to dictate who can and cannot be a S/O's friend, but I'm not shy about voicing my opinion, if I have reason to believe that the friend doesn't have respect for our relationship. There are 2 of my S/O's friends that I had problems with: 1. One of his guy friends was trying to talk him into hooking up with some girl at a bar while I was away for work. 2. One of his female friends gave his new number to his ex, so they could get back in contact because she missed him.

- Response by mssassychica, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, London, Executive

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I agree, but how can you choose someones friends for them? Either they accept the friend or they are indifferent to them in which case, they aren't real friends. Only the person themselves can select a true pal otherwise it's all just for appearances. So the girl values appearances above her partners best wishes. Some girls might be insecure and try eliminate any female threats but they'll soon learn if a man wants to cheat there's nothing she can do to stop him.

- Response by anything08, A Thinker, Female, 22-25

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It sounds like she's a bit insecure. This is just a foretaste of things to come. Better re-think this relationship before it goes further.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I was married to a man who not only tried to distance and isolate me from my friends, he tried to 'shield' me from my family's influence, too. You can't level this charge just at women, and certainly not all women.

Perhaps the problem is the nature of this particular friendship the boyfriend has with this particular woman. It could be that the girlfriend is a pathological control freak and unreasonably jealous, or it could be that her boyfriend is genuinely giving her something to be legitimately worried about with this "friend" of his. We don't have enough information here to be able to tell.

- Response by pandorasfault, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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I can admit that I'm a bit of a jealous woman. I don't like the idea of my guy hanging out with women alone. BUT, I trust him, so I get over it. Besides, I would be a hypocrite if I asked him not to hang out with his female friends, because most of my friends are men.

- Response by steff81, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28, Toronto, Who Cares?

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They don't. Why do men feel they have the right to choose their s/o's friends? It goes both ways, and men are statistically more abusive and controlling than women are. Point is, if he had those friends when you met him or her, it's not your place to expect him/her to give them up.

- Response by girldownunder, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Sydney

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I know what you mean, I have always believed that my guy had friends before I came along and will have friends after I'm gone(if we don't work out) and I can't 'expect' him to drop them all just because I'm in the picture...just as he wouldn't/shouldn't expect me to drop my friends...it's all about give and take and if one can't accept certain things about their mate, then maybe they need to re-evaluate why they're with their mate...:D

- Response by fastball, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Student

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If I feel I have to pick his friends then we have other problems. When you are with someone you don't try to change them into someone else.

- Response by dreamdancer, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Houston, Other Profession

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well if your really in love and if your woman means the world to you, you would not be interested in other girl friends of yours.but because you don't know where your relationship is going to end you are afraid to let go of your those so called girl friends.And being a guy you should have the freedom to keep any guy friend you want as long as he doesn't eye on your girl..so man it all depends on you isn't it?? and if your with a woman who doesn't let you be with the people you want then better move on and find some one who will.tc

- Response by Himya, A Thinker, Female, 22-25

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IT IS PRIMAL YOU ARE KNOW HER POSSESION AND SHE WANTS TO MAKE SURE NO OTHER WOMAN STEALS YOU FROM HER!!

- Response by i124q, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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Hmmm.. Actually the person that replied:
"Cuz we know what it right for our men? LMAO kidding. "
is more right on than you might think... A guy who has friends his wife approves of will go a long way towards staying together. And if the guy is easy going and gets along well with most people, he will probably find his "picked" friends fun to be around...



- Response by markomagnifico, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Retired

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all I can say is what makes you say men don't do the samething?IJS

- Response by brown5, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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My guy can be friends with anyone he wants, as long as I don't have to hang out with them.

That said, he should be appropriate with the female friends he does have. If it were a woman who obviously wanted to sleep with him and tried to touch him or was obviously not respectful of our relationship, I would sincerely question why he was hanging out with her and wouldn't condone alone meetings. If on the other hand, it was a respectful platonic friendship, I wouldn't care.

- Response by milla, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35

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No one has the right to tell someone who their friends are. I am sure you already reassured her that is all you are and she feels threatened by this woman is why. Just like I don't think it is right when a man tells me I can't be friends with a guy that so happens to by just my friend. I have a best friend that is a guy and my s/o is threatened by him.

- Response by debski, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Detroit, Science / Engineering

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First of all, not all women think that way. The bad ones that do, give us all a bad name? I would never think that I had the right to choose anyone's friends. I'm sure that the women you are talking about are insecure, immature, and can't deal with their inability to control their own life, so they try to control someone else.

- Response by freak303, A Hippie Chick, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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If the man includes his wife in the friendship with a female friend most don't have a problem with that. But if a man keeps that female friend to himself and spends time with her versus time with his wife and family...it is a rather dumb wife who doesn't kick him to the curb and her with him. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Amazing. Do you have any clue how much control men have had over women for centuries?

- Response by twocents47, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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