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MEET MY SO-CALLED IN-LAWS! LOL
MEET MY SO-CALLED IN-LAWS! LOL / Married Life / 2:38 PM - Friday May 16, 2008
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A Married Girl (Female, 36-45, Home Maker) asked:


May I explain as to WHY I don't want to be around my in-laws? I don't want you all to think that I'm exagerating...it's REALLY that BAD/LOL


When my hubby and I met...we were both hooked on drugs BUT his family didn't know that he was...they assumed that I got him hooked..NOT!..You can't get a person hooked on anything...I told them the truth and they didn't believe me so Jimmy told them that it was true...he was already hooked before he met me...that made matters worst cause they didn't want to accept the fact that their son was already a drug addict so it made them feel better to simply blame me..hmmmm! My hubby's ex wife is a wonderful woman...when she was planning on getting married...she gave the house that Jim and her and their kids shared and told him to do whatever he pleased with it...Jim and I were also planning on marrying and he told me that we can either keep it or sell it..well I didn't want to live in a home with memories of his kids and ex so I told him let's sell it and start anew...HIS kids were not happy with that and blame me for having him sell it! hmmmmm...When Jimmy and I met, he was living in this huge house that belonged to his dad...he had to irrigate and take care of ALL the pecan trees...he did this all by himself and Jimmy eventually got tired of the responsibility and told his dad that he will be moving out and getting a place for he and I...omg his dad was pissed...it's as if he expected Jimmy to live there forever and tend to it...so his dad sold it and got lots of money for it... his family blame me for Jimmy giving the house back to his dad...geez, you could never win with these people..Now, his parents go to church *rolls eyes* and yet...they are soooooo judgemental...they have alot of money like you wouldn't imagine and when I visit...it makes their day cause they know that it's their opportunity to trash me, insult me all in kind ways/LOL...Jim's REAL mom passed away a long time ago and this is his step-mother btw!...when I'm at her house...she calls me by her dogs name...can you freaking believe THAT? LOL...She's like ''Crystal, will you pass the sauce?'...oh my...I meant to say Priscilla'' and she starts laughing...she calls her dog Priscilla...his dad is always questioning me...he's worst when it comes to questions than this site will ever be/LOL...All in all they don't like me BUT accept all for the sake of their son, BUT to be around people like them who are constantly picking on me is just too much for me to bare...my hubby says to ignore them cause their old...wtf..OLD? HA...I have not seen them for over 2 months...when hubby visists them, he goes without me and it pleases me BUT tonight...he's begging me to go...sigh...How can I say no to him...Thank you pals for allowing me to vent...wow this is probably the longest post I ever made/LMAO

Update: May 17, 2008.
Just wanted to let yah all know that surprisingly...my visit to my In-laws went pretty damn good...I was amazed/LOL...I guess the 2 months that I stayed away did them justice cause they were so freaking polite...Hmmmmmmm wonder how long that's gonna last/LMAO...Thanx once again for giving me some great advice...Luv yah all...XOXO


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A Thinker (Female, 46-55, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: purrzn


Here's what I would do: sit down with Jimmy and tell him you know how important his family is to him, but that he is married to you and that you come first. That is how it's supposed to be when you get married. Then tell him if he can't defend you when his family puts you down you will leave the gathering and go home. You are not required to stay in an abusive situation (and that's what that kind of disrespect is), in fact you should leave. Go in separate cars. I promise you, you will feel so empowered the first time you do that. You're taking back the business of taking care of you. And you'll feel good.

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A Thinker (Female, Atlanta, 36-45) answered:

Screenname: sincerity


It's nice to see a more serious, transparent side of you,Dolphase. Thank you for your honesty.
I assume this "event" is in honor of your husband's birthday? I like the idea of taking your own vehicle so you can leave the first time they get disrespectful. (Ideally, if that happened your husband should leave WITH you to show that he is not going to put up with his wife being treated badly).
Another idea is for the two of you to decide beforehand how long you'll stay.

Have you made it CLEAR to your husband how these people make you feel? Does he understand your feelings? Does he defend and protect you from those mean people, or is he afraid of their disapproval?
He should have your back.

But, if you feel like your husband is not going to be on your side, or if he is not going to defend you, then STAY AWAY from them.




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A Hip-Hop Girl (Female, 36-45, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: cocoacurevelous


Dolphace you and your husband overcame the obstacle of drugs which is the most important thing. If his parents are too ignorant to know that the present is more important than the past then they don't deserve to know you as the person that you are. I wouldn't let the step-mother know that she bothers me at all...I'm stubborn like that and won't give anyone like her the satisfaction of knowing that she could possibly hurt my feelings. Your husband should understand why you are reclutant to go and spend time with them and he should respect that. These people aren't happy people and want to spread their misery to feel good about themselves. There are a lot of people like this who have found Jesus and think that they have one foot into heaven beause they are "saved" (rolls eyes)...Girl don't let these two people take your joy away...You ahve folks that love you and that's all that counts...

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A Hip-Hop Guy (Male, 26-28, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: drallig9399


The word paragraph has a lot of power in it.

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: maturewoman


Tell your husband that he stops this treatment from happening or you don't go. Life is too short to live with this constant ridicule. But I do think you need to keep other peoples needs in mind ie the kids and their home.

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A Creative (Female, 18-21, Student) answered:

Screenname: mswantslove07


i usually dont read long post but in the past you have given good advice to me...and i will try to recipracate .....DO NOT LET THEM TREAT YOU LIKE THAT..its unfair.. ur hubby know it and he isnt quite sure what to do.. if he wouldnt get mad i personally would make up a "pet" name for this wrechted step mother..who does she think she is treating you bad...it should be enough that you love their son...thats all that should matter..they are jerks and they cant use the excuse that they are old that gives them no right to treat people badly...i guess if you have to go tongiht STAND YOUR GROUND...if you know of something that really picks on their nerves..DO IT but something that makes it look like your really doing nothing and they are overreacting!! idk i hope i helped!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK
ps i think this is the longest reply ive ever sent!

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A Thinker (Female, Atlanta, 56-65, Political / Government) answered:

Screenname: poetrycherie


Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire or give as good as you get. I don't care who's parents they are!!

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, 46-55, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: twocents45


When someone is too chicken shit to take responsibility, it's always someone else's fault. I'm guessing there's quite a bit of alcoholism in the family because it's common for those kind of people to put up a big facade, and if it isn't working it has to be the "outsider's" fault. It's a shame when someone isn't welcomed into the family just for the sake of believing they are the ones for making the loved one happy. I told my kids long ago that they would NEVER know if I really like their husband or wife because I know how it feels to be in the middle of that shit. My mom wanted me to hook up with a guy, and when I did it was hell ever since. He was my kid's dad, and probably the only man I was ever with that truly - TRULY loved me. It's a shame because he couldn't handle the split so he hasn't seen his "kids" now for 26 years. I heard he tried to commit suicide a couple times after I left him (because of my mom). Such is life. Everything will be ok. Misery loves company. Take care.

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: kitkat19


hey there dolphace,
be the bigger person. go w/hubby and channel the hostility wrought upon you to never, neverland.
i'll be in your cheering section. you are a lovely person.

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A Thinker (Female, Detroit, 26-28, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: trucksnastygirl1


I'm sorry you have in-laws like that. I'm sorry there are people like that period. I don't know you personally but you seem to genuinely love your husband and I wonder why he doesn't stick up for you. I hope you have as pleasant a time as you can with them.

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A Player (Female, Philadelphia, 36-45, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: dana1148


wow talking about really putting it out there. god bless.

Haha maybe you should start calling her the dogs name..

lets go Q/A girls looks like we need to kick some in/laws



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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, 56-65, Technical) answered:

Screenname: drumboi2


Sounds like what I went though for 25 years.

I don't know what to tell you except that it will probably never change. My ex in-laws used to ridicule my family, my politics and my religious upbringing...then my children after they came along. My kids were never treated quite as well as the other grandchildren. And the ex wife wouldn't stand up and defend me or her own children. She was blind to it and told us we were too sensitive. It was pathetic.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said that the only way someone can make you inferior is if you let them. Don't let them do it.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, Washington, DC, 36-45, Technical) answered:

Screenname: litesout


you have a bigger issue than how to say no. You need to seriously consider this relationship you are getting into. You need to consider your husbands relationship with his family. You need to consider how his family treats you. One thing you need to assume about marriage is the situation will not change. Can you honestly live with your husband and his family's behavior for the rest of your life...or until they die?

If you have never been married before then you have no idea the influence family has on a marriage. I would look in the mirror and ask the person on the other side if you can really seriously put up with this. Because you have to assume that it wont stop.

How to say no???? easy. NO. Dear i dont feel good around them so i am not going. If you are going to LET them talk to me...your future wife... like they do now, you will let them talk to me any kind of way when we are married. So until that mystical magical day....i am not going. No, nada, nyet, negative. no way jose. not happening. THAT is how you say no. Then stand your ground.

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: spitfire815


Hey Dol, Is Crystal really ur name?? Very Pretty...
Listen, sit Jimmy down & have the talk with him. He needs to know exactly how u feel about his parents. I'm quite sure he hears the things his step-mom says to u & he needs to stand & stick up for u... Let him know it really bothers u, that he doesn't!!!!!!
BTW: i'm very proud to hear about ur sobriety..... It's a great life, being clean & sober......smile:=)

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