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What to do...
what to do... / Dating / 7:11 PM - Sunday May 11, 2008
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(Female, 29-35) asked:


If someone goes out of their way to lie and manipulate you to believe your relationship is something that it is not and you find out this person is lying to you (ie. cheating on their wife with you) and yet they had been expressing love for you, promising a future etc. , do you have the right to out their actions ?

I am very angry! He tells me he loves me and there is a great future for us, but I found out that he didn't in fact leave his wife, which is what he told me.

I feel used, lied to, taken advantage of and deeply hurt by this. Do I have the right to retaliate? Is it worth it or is it best to just walk away?

Update: May 11, 2008.
I am walking away. I just feel shattered and pissed that he gets to go on living happily ever after when all he is is a liar and a cheat. He told me that he was going through a complicated break up and that he lived with his family and wanted to keep our relationship under wraps until the divorce was final...all lies!


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A Sweet Sarah (Female, Seattle, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: mamom04


The best revenge, is living well. :)

I'm glad you've chosen to walk away. Retaliating in any way, would just bring you down a level or two...maybe not to "his" level, but certainly well below your own. Don't go there.

I can understand your hurt. The absolute worst thing a loved one can do to us, it to lie and betray us.

I truly believe that the users, liars, theifs and murderers among us, will get theirs. It's not my place to mete it out. That's in the hands of God. It is my duty to forgive, even it it takes me some time to get there, and to go about my life in a way pleasing to Him.

If you don't believe in God, that's ok...substitute Higher Power, or Karma, Whatever.

I don't care. It is true that you reap what you sow, or what goes around comes around....we may not see it with our own eyes, but it happens.

Bless you dear.

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A Thinker (Female, Phoenix, 36-45, Executive) answered:

Screenname: phxtart


I Think its only fair that you tell the wife what her "loving husband " is doing. He shouldnt be allowed to get away with his actions. He is taking control over other peoples lives and creating a make believe (lie) life for them, no one should be allowed to get away with this. You have the power right now to stop him from at least hurting his wife even more in the long run. do the right thing and TELL HER!!

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An Engaged Girl (Female, Cleveland, 26-28, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: carriesueud


You tell him he had better tell his wife what is going on or you will. Then lose contact with him FOREVER...he is a liar and a cheater.

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, Charlotte, Who Cares?, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: smartblond


for the 100th time why do women do this to themselves.. WOMEN...

do not listen to what a guy ANY GUY tells you.. go by the actions.. what they DO , they will show you who they ARE.. ACTIONS over a long period of time that are consistant will tell you who you are really dealing with.. words are worthless and simple

No dont retaliate.. just walk away you are better then that

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A Thinker (Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: barbb


Walk away!!! There is no sense in hurting anyone else for him being stupid.

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A Creative (Female, 36-45, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: blindshe


What would be the point in trying to get back at him? It is not going to change what has happened, it is not going to change him and it will not cause him to end his marriage and come to be with you. It is a bad situation just chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on from it.

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A Married Girl (Female, 36-45, Teaching) answered:

Screenname: tweets4u2


Break all contact and walk away. I always ask how would you feel if you were his wife and he did it to you? Lies are no way to build a relationship.

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: pepperman46


Walk away from him. Why put up with his lies at all.

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A Career Woman (Female, 36-45, Managerial) answered:

Screenname: jennylf


Just walk away, Sweetheart. Telling his wife could backfire on you in ways neither you nor I can imagine. SHE might even get you both thrown in jail for adultery - then you'd be in jail and your future would be a wasted piece of kah-kah. Honestly, a guy like him isn't worth the emotion. Let him waste his life while you go make something wonderful of yours! :) Blessings!
Jenny

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A Cool Mom (Female, New York, 46-55, Retired) answered:

Screenname: bayshoregirl


You're a better person than me. I'd tell his wife.

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