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Full time housewives...
Full time housewives... / Married Life / 3:42 PM - Sunday May 11, 2008
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A Thinker (Female, 26-28, Other Profession) asked:


I am thinking that many people will disagree with my question. But I really want to know:

Perhaps due to my background, I tend to feel that if a person becomes a full time housewife, stays home to do housework, takes care of the family the whole day, the lady would eventually lose equality with her husband.... This is because while the husband is learning from work, dealing with all sort of different people, develop and grow to be more mature etc, the wife spends most of her time at home taking care of her family. It's not saying that the wife is not growing - but perhaps the wife is growing differently than her husband. I just thought that there would be less and less to talk about between the husband and wife. The only thing left to discuss is perhaps their children, because if the wife hasn't worked for a long time I am guessing that it would be difficult for her to understand the pain that the husband is going through at work.

In my opinion, the perfect couples are those that grow almost at the same pace. Those that enjoy similar stuffs in life. Although they might have their private time and have one or two habits that the other does not enjoy, but both have the same goal in life.

I really want to hear from the happily married couples with stay at home wives to understand your thoughts...


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An Intellectual Guy (Male, 46-55, Technical) answered:

Screenname: twofbyc753


It is perfectly acceptable to be a "stay-at-home" MOM, and for those who don't think kids benefit from this situation, let's look at society since women Moms (with small children) have entered the work force full-time. You cannot grow "the same" unless you have identical jobs, which never happens, and to think that a woman loses "equality" with her husband because she stays home with the kids is absurd. "Equality" has nothing to do with your job; it has to do with who you are, and if you need your job to define THAT for you, then you have other serious issues to deal with.

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A Creative (Female, Dallas, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer) answered:

Screenname: curvysmartgirl


This is a good question. I think for me what it comes down to is attitude. If you are an independent person who chooses to be a homemaker, that is very different than someone who is a dependent personality.

I have seen women who have careers who still are very dependent on their husbands - their lives seem to revolve around him, they don't have hobbies, interests, etc., besides him, they put up with all sorts of bad treatment from him, etc.

with me and my husband - I was independent before we got married. I had friends, hobbies, interests, a career, etc. After we got married, we made the decision for me to be a homemaker, because we both felt it was best for us. However, even though I am a homemaker because I am not a dependent personality, I don't cling to him or feel I NEED him. yes, he earns most of the money. However, I pursue lots of my own interests, though I make sure I meet all my obligations FIRST.

so, for example, I go out one night every other week to meet with my writers' group, and I volunteer with Habitat for Humanity and the local mission (we feed the homeless) and I go to a woman's Bible study, and I am working on my graduate degree part time. While I would say I put in a full days' worth of work taking care of the house and the kids, I also do a lot of my own stuff, and my husband does help out around the house.

One thing I find sorta bizarre - my husband actually does more to help out than many husbands I know with wives who work full time. I think part of it is that he really appreciates the stuff I do for him, and I also do a lot of special stuff to pamper him and the kids, to make them feel really loved and appreciated. So when I need some help because I've got a test coming up or I'm not feeling well or I want to do a missions trip, they really pitch in for me.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, Charlotte, 46-55, Law Enforcement) answered:

Screenname: palamino


My wife works now, but she stayed home with our sons until they were grown. We both wanted it that way, and we did without a lot of "things" to have it that way. I don't think that hasd anything at all to do with a woman's equality in a marriage. We are equal, but different, and I rather enjoy the difference. I don't know of many marriages where the husband and wife grow at the same rate.

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