Back to Search

Uncensored Responses

Mom
Mom / Family & Parenting / 3:37 PM - Sunday May 11, 2008
E-Mail Me
A Creative (Female, 36-45, Who Cares?) asked:


My mom has been at my house for the past week. My dad passed away last month, she doesn't like being alone and is considering moving in with me or my brother. This week has drove me crazy.

She is scared for the kids to ride their bikes, and doesn't want them to play in the back yard (I have lots of trees in the back) she said there could be snakes in the back.
The kids come in to ask if they can do something or have something and she will jump to answer them before hearing them out or understanding what it is that they are asking or wanting. When I hear them out and go against what she has told them she gets upset and/or gets her feelings hurt and says no one wants to listen to her.

I have been raising my kids and on my own for 18 years. I don't want her to feel like she isn't welcome in my home and I do not want to hurt her feelings. Any advice on dealing with this situation?


READ MORE ABOUT THE RATING SYSTEM


E-Mail Me

A Thinker (Female, Philadelphia, Who Cares?, Body Work) answered:

Screenname: myndseye711


I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


She is understandably having a difficult time, but that does NOT give her the right to cause upheaval in your home.

Has she ASKED you if she could move in? Or did she just assume it was OK?

I would sit down and explain to her that you have different rules in your house. I would suggest that, as a rule, your kids should come to you for what they need, and only you should discipline them. It is unfair to the kids...I am sure they are confused and you don't want them to resent their Grandma.

I am living at my Mom and Dad's house temporarily. Even though I'm in THEIR home, they defer to me in matters of discipline and rules. In fact, my Mom will always ask me if the kids can 'do" something before she OKs it if I am around. They respect the fact that I am the parent.

It wasn't always like this...a few years back I had to lay the ground rules and put them in their place.

It will be a difficult discussion. You will hurt her feelings, but it will save your relationship. If you don't talk to her, a wedge will grow between you. Good luck...


Rating Received:


E-Mail Me

A Thinker (Female, Chicago, 36-45) answered:

Screenname: phenomenal1woman


well i know its hard when u have your parent trying to help u parent.but i think the best thing to do is just be honest and just tell her in a nice way that they r your kids and u r going to do what u want with your kids.
sounds harsh..but its exactly what my brother had to do to my mother....u know what she keeps her mouth shut now when something is happeneing she doesn'ty agree with.if it really bothers her she will tell him so after the fact but not in the moment.

Rating Received:


E-Mail Me

A Mr. Married Guy (Male, Miami, 36-45, Political / Government) answered:

Screenname: greekattorney


Sit her down and talk to her like an adult. She is a guest in your home. These are YOUR children, she has no right to interfere. Period. She has also no right to expect that she can move in with you or your brother just because she wants to.



Rating Received:


E-Mail Me

A Thinker (Female, 46-55, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: ataloss


Grief counseling. It takes most people at least a full year to adjust to changes following the loss of a close loved one. Many people need even more time. Get your mom into counseling and get her involved in some community/volunteer activities so that she has more to worry about than your kids.

Rating Received:


E-Mail Me

A Creative (Female, New York, 36-45, Managerial) answered:

Screenname: lovesblind


I have a Mom just like that. I can't live with her. My kids can't live with her. Visits are fine, but there have to be boundaries and you have to enforce them.

Rating Received:

Back to Active Questions