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A ticking time bomb of disappointment....
A ticking time bomb of disappointment.... / Married Life / 10:06 AM - Sunday May 11, 2008
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A Thinker (Female, St.Louis, 22-25, Other Profession) asked:


I have been married for 4 years now. I constantly try to do things for my husband to make him happy. In return, I don't feel like I am appreciated. After a few days of prayer, I have come to this realization; I am doing things for everyone that I would want them to do for me. (To show that they appreciate me.) And because I am doing all the things that I would truly appreciate doesn't mean that the others would feel the same. So, I am just setting myself up for disappointment, every time. What are your thoughts?


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An Intellectual Guy (Male, 46-55, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: concorbp


Bingo

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, St.Louis, 36-45, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: answerman65


First of all HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! This kind of thing happens in a lot of relationships. Keep God first,then YOU, then your husband and kids. Always! I found out that when you "over" do for others, they don't always appreciate it. As a matter of fact, they start expecting it and your kindness becomes your weakness.
Always keep God first. Then always do things to make you happy. Just little things that you enjoy. Then comes everyone else. Remember, if you're not OK, how can you make anyone else OK

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A Cool Mom (Female, 46-55, Teaching) answered:

Screenname: gettingstronger


I think your feelings of being under-appreciated are well founded.
I like what Dr. Phil says, "You have to teach people how to treat you".
Sounds like your fam could use a little bit of cheerful instruction from mom.
Sometimes bad behavior is from "ignorance", not always selfishness.
You'll be doing your children (and their future spouses) a favor if you teach them how to treat you with appreciation and respect.
In plain English, tell them what it should look like.
Happy Mother's Day! :)

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An Alternative Girl (Female, 18-21) answered:

Screenname: fortminor123


I think you should get what you give.
I don't think the people you're giving to, realizes it.. so I wouldn't say that you're technically setting yourself up for anything.


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A Sweet Sarah (Female, Philadelphia, 36-45, Therapist) answered:

Screenname: dolphingirl44


I used to feel the same way but I have learned over time that you have to do these things(cleaning, cooking laundry ect..) b/c it makes you feel good, not b/c your husband( or kids) will notice b/c they won't. Hopefully your husband shows his appreciation in other ways. Mine takes out the garbage and mows the lawn and other things to make my life easier as well as I do things like paying the bills b/c it makes it easier for him.

If you really don't think he appreciates you sit down and think about what he does that you probably take for granted and write it down and then out of the blue really thank him for it. He may be pleasantly surprised and maybe he'll start noticing. Its worth a shot. Good luck!

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