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Sad
sad / Dating / 5:55 AM - Sunday May 21, 2006
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A Thinker (Female, New York, Who Cares?, Who Cares?) asked:



we've already taken one break before... i don't want to break up, but i feel unhappy. issues keep popping up and we talk about it. some get resolved. others don't.

is it time to take another break?

or should i break up for good?


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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, Charlotte, 36-45, Law Enforcement) answered:

Screenname: tinksman


You shouldn't have to work THAT hard at a relationship. Start looking for someone that you have more in common with and who sees things more like you. When you find him, you'll see just how pleasant things can be.

Don't settle for less than what you truly want. You shouldn't have to, and you'll regret it later.



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A Cool Mom (Female, Dallas, 46-55, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: southerngrace


Taking a break doesn't resolve issues...they are still there when or if you return.

You're vague about what the issues are. If they are core issues, then resolve them or move on.

If they aren't, then look at them and ask yourself if either of you is over reacting in the scheme of things.

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A Guy Critical (Male, 56-65, Technical) answered:

Screenname: drumboi2


I've had my share of "relationships", some short term (shortest about a month) some long (longest 21 years) and some in between. The common thread through them all was the effort it takes to make them work. If you both aren't on the same page regarding issues...or both are creating the issues, its doomed. Takes two people to make the relationship succeed. It only takes one to screw it up. I would say focus on what you've resolved already. Then use what you learn to take care of another issue. Its a process, really. The other thing I learned is that there will ALWAYS be issues. The concept of the "happily ever after" is one of the reasons we have more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Show me someone who has been married 25 years and has been totally happy 100% of the time, and I'll show you someone who is delusional. The longer a couple stays together, the more issues they will face...a fact of life that should be included in the fairy tale.

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A Player (Female, London, Who Cares?, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: pink28


Taking another break is not going to solve any issues because they will keep popping up. Sometimes the best is to make a clean cut, although it's difficult.
Relationships need dedication and commitment 100%, but if you feel you need to put in a lot of effort and still you're unhappy, then it might be time to let go. YOur guy might not be mature enough to put in the extra effort.

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A Career Man (Male, Philadelphia, 22-25, Student) answered:

Screenname: holidaystyles


Take a break, huh? Okay first, I’m going to tell you how I feel about breaks; then from there, I’ll give you some advice on what you can do.

I personally have issues with breaks. Breaks are becoming more and more common, just like divorces. If there’s a problem in a relationship, then you should stand up and do something about it. After all, would you take a break in life if life got too hard? Taken a break is just another way of running away from your problems. When you both get back together, the problem will still be there. What, are you going to take a break every time things don’t go right in your relationship? If that’s the case, then get ready to be spending a lot of time on a break. Don’t give up so fast. If there’s a problem, then there’s a solution. And a good couple explores all possibilities, and they try to make it work.

As of your issues in your relationship, I don’t think that issues won’t ever popup. I mean, how boring would a relationship be if everything was so easy? Sometimes talking about the issues isn’t good enough. You have to know when to execute. You know what they say: “There can be no success without sacrifice. And I know that you’re not feeling happy, but relationships aren’t all ways pleasant. You have to make an extra effort to make things good between you two.

I wish you all the best of luck. I hope I answered your question thoroughly enough.

Oh, I just read what another post read about finding someone else. Do you see my point? No one wants to work hard at a relationship. Don’t people understand that relationships are more intricate because you’re not only trying to satisfy yourself, but you’re also trying to satisfy the person of the other side. That person said that finding someone in common would be a good idea. While that’s always a good idea to find someone that you have something in common with, problems are still going to persist in your relationship. [Sighs] I’m not trying to bash that guy/gal, but I just think that he/she is just confused.


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A Guy Critical (Male, 56-65, Technical) answered:

Screenname: drumboi2


I've had my share of "relationships", some short term (shortest about a month) some long (longest 21 years) and some in between. The common thread through them all was the effort it takes to make them work. If you both aren't on the same page regarding issues...or both are creating the issues, its doomed. Takes two people to make the relationship succeed. It only takes one to screw it up. I would say focus on what you've resolved already. Then use what you learn to take care of another issue. Its a process, really. The other thing I learned is that there will ALWAYS be issues. The concept of the "happily ever after" is one of the reasons we have more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Show me someone who has been married 25 years and has been totally happy 100% of the time, and I'll show you someone who is delusional. The longer a couple stays together, the more issues they will face...a fact of life that should be included in the fairy tale.

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A Player (Male, Las Vegas, Who Cares?, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: supersexy68


maybe u should think about how much this guy is worth....does he deserve another break or you should break up with him...what is he worh to you?

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, San Diego, Who Cares?, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: technicolorsoul


if the issues that don't get resolved are unbearable and you feel that you've already expressed how you feel about these issues to your partner, then you need to ask yourself how much you really like this person, and if putting up with these unresolved issues is worth having them. If you say no, then break up. Because they won't change, as much as you may want them to. if you're thinking long term, then you definitely need to consider that.

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A Couch Potato (Male, 18-21, Student) answered:

Screenname: redrussia60


Try and work it out, if it doesnt work then move on

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A Jock (Male, New York, 22-25, Teaching) answered:

Screenname: nyguy18


A break is not meant to solve major issues, it is meant to solve a question. For example, you could be with the same person for a very long time and enjoy the partnership but you are unsure if you want to take it to the next level. You may have thought about the next level, but you are unsure. A break can help you sort through where you stand. I have taken them but my relationships did not have major issues; for me it was more like a step back to keep going forward.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, 18-21, Student) answered:

Screenname: thetactician


You do know that the same issues will appear over and over, right? If you aren`t happy then do somehing about it. A short break didn`t do it, its time for the full deal.

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